Why You Should Pay Attention To Your Nonverbal Communication Style.
Did you know that when you say one thing and communicate another with your body language, your audience is more likely to believe the nonverbal message? I used to work with this guy who seemed to always have a lot of enthusiastic energy. At meetings, he was often the first to volunteer himself for new projects, sometimes multiple projects at once. His favorite thing to say was: “I got this”. I couldn’t help to notice that his body language indicated otherwise. He exaggerated his level of commitment with sharp physical gestures and tension around his eyes. His posture was rigid and it appeared as though he was clenching his teeth. Stress seeped through his pores. I couldn’t help to think to myself, “dude, you don’t got this”.
We all do some version of this. We say we are calm when our body exudes anxiety. We say we are “fine” when tears are flowing down our face. One of the ever-popular forms of nonverbal communication behaviors is a sarcastic or condescending tone when verbally expressing ourselves. Rolling of the eyes is also a fav among many. Why do we do it? The simple answer is we learned it. Regardless of where or how we learned it, you may want to think about the impact the mixed messages you are giving are having on you now. Maybe people don’t take you seriously when you want them to. Maybe they don’t trust you can handle something when you can. They may also believe you just don’t care.
Remember that when you communicate, it’s not just your words. It includes your posture, facial expressions or body movements, and tone of voice. Do you want to be a better match with your words? Try checking in with yourself before relaying a message to someone or giving a presentation. Some questions to ask yourself are:
- How do I feel right now?
- What do I want to communicate?
- Do I have confidence in what I want to talk about?
- Do I want my words to have impact?
- How do I feel about the person or group I am talking to?
- What do I want the other person to hear?
In my opening example, I talked about I guy I worked with and what he was saying to me with his nonverbal behaviors. Have you wondered what I could have been saying to him with mine? Do you picture me with one raised eyebrow, arms crossed, rolling eyes, or maybe a condescending smirk? I hope not but I couldn’t say for sure. Actually, I’m going to go with “no” because I just tried to raise one eyebrow and I couldn’t do it.
Thelma Franco