Do you ever envision what your last day at a job will look like? Many of us have, particularly when we are miserable and want to leave. We fantasize about that wondrous day when we will parade into work with a confident smile and a skip in our step knowing we will not be back the following day. We are giving people high fives as we pass them in the hall and happy music begins to play in the background, your favorite song of course. Well, that last part may just be me. Then the day comes when the fantasy is real. We feel good because we made it happen and we perceive our next career juncture as having great promise. Listen to the words we use when our soon-to-be ex-coworkers ask us about our new job. We use phrases like: “great opportunity” and “growth potential”. We literally have made up our minds that this next job will provide us with what the current job didn’t. After all, this was voluntary. You decided this.
But what about those times when the decision was not yours? There is no fantasy about this one; not usually anyway. Depending on how much time you are given to leave, you typically have to go into action-mode relatively quick. “But wait! What do I do about how I am feeling? I didn’t decide this!” I work with clients who involuntarily left their jobs and they often tell me they didn’t expect their time in transition to be so challenging and confusing. These folks use different phrases like: “got blindsided” and “uncertain future”. Some have even made up their minds that their next job will NOT provide them what the previous one did. It’s a feeling of powerlessness.
My unexpected layoff occurred around 10am on a Thursday I think. I told my boss I would be back later that evening to get my belongings. I grabbed my purse and walked out of the building, not saying a word to anyone. I sat in my car for a brief moment and wondered what I was supposed to do now. I wanted distraction from the pain so what did I do? I took myself to the movies. Did it work? That is a big fat NO.
What if we could decide how to leave under such unwanted circumstances? How could we prepare for the unexpected and feel more empowered?
Decide that you will delay the action of damage control. What trips many of us up is that we assume we need to “get going” right away to pick up the pieces. Stress about the situation sends us into a frenzy of ineffective job search tactics. Yes, you need money and a job but you are swimming in a myriad of emotions. Give yourself time to feel. Go somewhere safe and scream, shout, or cry. This will help you release stress and regain focus later on.
Decide that you are not your job. This is a tough one for some of my clients. Sometimes we tell ourselves we lost our jobs because we are not good enough. There may even be rumors that your company displaced “poor performers”. Whatever. Rumor or not, tagging yourself as such is not helpful to you. Remember we are all developing ourselves through our jobs but our jobs do not define us.
Decide that it will be painful. Don’t try to convince yourself and others that you are “okay” when you’re not. Losing a job when you weren’t expecting to is rough, most people get that. If you decide now that it will be painful and it’s okay that it is, your brain will remember this and may help soften the blow. Seek support instead of distraction.
You may not always get to decide when it’s time to go but you could decide what happens after that.
Thelma