Has Work Become Your Substitute Family?

WHY RELATIONSHIP CUTOFF DOESN’T WORK. There is a concept in Family Systems Theory called Emotional Cutoff (Murray Bowen’s Eight Concepts) which describes the way people manage unresolved family issues by reducing contact with one or more members or totally cutting off emotional contact with them. To manage overwhelming stress and tension in families, people look for ways to make interactions “easier” by using emotional cutoff. There are several ways this can play out including: avoiding certain topics of discussion, lying, moving away, finding distractions, and many others. An adult who visits home can often quickly feel the sting of the unresolved issues within the family. This is one reason relationship cutoff doesn’t work. The same stress and tension reappears over …

Competition. How To Know When It’s Healthy and Helpful.

The Reason Why Competition Can Feel Icky. My clients often talk about the culture of competition at work. The pressure to “get ahead” often leads to a practice of negatively comparing oneself to others. They also say they find themselves exerting an undesirable amount of effort trying to be like someone else. When I was a teen, I had a close friend who seemed to always want to compete with me in every way; sports, clothes, personality, boys, anything. I remember feeling anxiety because I thought she was trying to be too much like me. It was suffocating at times. Plus, I was confused about what she was attempting to achieve with those behaviors. Unfortunately, one method of coping I …

What Happened To Me When My Brother Died.

Grieving. One Of The Only Things You Can Do When You Experience Loss. I know exactly who you are when you walk into my office. Your body language and forced smiles are a perfect match to the grieving person I spoke to on the phone. Getting started in session can be difficult because you’re not sure where to begin to describe how you are feeling. With support, you begin by telling me that for the past few years, you have been attempting to mentally prepare yourself for your mother’s passing based on the family’s observations of her declining health. In addition, you have noticed that the impact this has had on your father’s health has been significant. So then you …